Not Sure
Have you even been unsure of your place in life? I remember being in high school and having doubts and fears about the future. That is a normal part of growing up and we all go through something similar. The same sort of feelings arise during times of change. Graduating college, getting married, having children and changing careers can all throw you for a loop. I have done them all and have come out on the other side…but I am still unsure. Iam rapidly approaching 40 and I have not figured this whole “life” thing out. I think I know what my calling is but the doors remain shut. At what point do you stop and ask, “Am I wrong?” Have I spent the last four years in vain? I am glad that I went back to school and finished. There was always a feeling of failure hovering over me. I never managed to complete anything until I finally graduated from college. But here I sit…a year later…wondering if it was worth it. The last two ministries I was involved with ended prematurely and have got me wondering again. Did I go through all of the crap I went through just to be back in a restaurant…working insane hours? I confess…I just do not get it. I am frustrated and I am not sure. I am not sure about anything. This faith thing…man…what a ride.
Wow…I am still alive.
Yes…I still live and breathe. It’s been quite a while since I posted here. To be perfectly honest…I totally forgot that I had this thing. I never did leave the other two blogs that I keep and then somehow I got sucked into MySpace and then Facebook. I never did stand a chance.
Anyways…I finished school back in May. I graduated with a B.S. in Biblical Exposition with a minor in Preaching. I spent seven months serving as the interim minister at a small country church in North Carolina where I was totally blindsided by church politics…again. I am currently residing in Pearlington, Mississippi with my family. I am in the process of planting a new church in a community that was literally destroyed by Hurrican Katrina three years ago.
As I sit and type this…I am watching Hurricane Ike and wondering just where he’ll go. We were forced to evacuate last week as Hurricane Gustav came into the Gulf. Our house (which is still being finished) received some minor water damage so we won’t be able to move in for another 3 weeks. It’s okay though…God is providing in a mighty way.
I’m really glad I stumbled back in here. I kind of like this place.
Man sets self aflame in Calif. protest
Sat Dec 23, 10:48 AM ET
A man used flammable liquid to light himself on fire, apparently to protest a San Joaquin Valley school district’s decision to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter vacation.
The man, who was not immediately identified, on Friday also set fire to a Christmas tree, an American flag and a revolutionary flag replica, said Fire Captain Garth Milam.
Seeing the flames, Sheriff’s Deputy Lance Ferguson grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran to the man.
Flames were devouring a Christmas tree next to the Liberty Bell, where public events and demonstrations are common.
Beside the tree the man stood with an American flag draped around his shoulders and a red gas can over his head.
Seeing the deputy, the man poured the liquid over his head. He quickly burst into flames when the fumes from the gas met the flames from the tree.
The deputy ordered the man to drop to the ground as he and a parole agent sprayed him with fire extinguishers.
“The man stood there like this,” the deputy said with his arms across his chest and his head bent down, “Saying no, no, no.”
The man suffered first degree burns on his shoulders and arms, Milam said.
Kern County Sheriff’s Deputy John Leyendecker said the man had a sign that read: “**** the religious establishment and KHSD.”
On Thursday, the Kern High School Board of Trustees voted to use the names Christmas and Easter instead of winter and spring breaks.
Okay…I admit it…I don’t get it. I can understand someone being upset that a school was using terminology that offended him. I can understand a non-Christian being upset over Christian terms. I can even understand someone being compelled to protest such an action. But setting yourself on fire? Really…is that the brightest (no pun intended) way to draw attention to your cause?
I’ve seen the photos of those Buddhist monks lighting themselves on fire in protest of the war in Vietnam. I’ve read stories of others doing the same sort of thing to draw attention to various atrocities. It’s not like setting yourself on fire is unheard of. But…isn’t it a bit extreme to do so because some school called it “Christmas” break instead of Winter break?
I’ll be honest…I’d be kinda ticked if they used other religious terms so I can empathize with those who don’t want Christian names attatched. But…setting yourself on fire?
I don’t know that there is anything I want to protest so badly that I’ll dowse myself in gasoline and flick my Bic. Poverty upsets me. World Hunger upsets me. The world-wide AIDS crisis upsets me. The joke that American politics has become upsets me. There are a LOT of things that tick me off…but I ain’t setting myself on fire for any of them.
How about you guys?
Random Thoughts
Evidentally I can preach. I’m not saying that to be arrogant, but apparently it is true. I had the opportunity to preach quite a few times before I came back to Bible college and I think I did okay in most of those situations. I can’t say that I really knew what I was doing though. Most of the sermons I preached before this year were thrown together or adapted from sermons I had heard elsewhere.
This semester I took an Into to Preaching class and learned how to structure topical and textual sermons. Over the course of the semester I had to write two sermons (one of each style) and preach them. I think I did fairly well. My instructor told me that both of my sermons were well constructed and organized. I’m not going to lie, that made me feel good. I’ve always wanted to be a writer but have struggled to find my outlet. After taking Public Speaking last year and Intro to Preaching this semester, I think I have found an area that I really enjoy and that I’m pretty good in.
The best thing about it is that I’m not wasting time when I spend it writing sermons. I learn from the research I put into them and others learn and are encouraged when I preach them. I’m learning that I can develop a preaching style of mine own and share Biblical truth in my own way. That’s been fun.
Preaching and writing sermons…fun…who would have ever guessed?
A Brief Update
Well…two months have gone by rather quickly and I find myself looking at exams this week. It’s been a good semester for the most part. I stumbled a bit in my American Denominations & Cults class but it was due to laziness on my part. I really need to take the next four weeks and refocus before the next semester starts.
I just started a new ministry at a church near the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It’s quite a bit closer than the church I was working with up in Virginia. I’m excited about being there and my family seems to be pretty happy about the switch too.
My Quote For The Week
A brief quote from Worship The Way It Was Meant To Be by Robert Wetmore:
The psalmists wrote as much or more about their grief as they did about their times of exaltation. In fact, a comparison study shows that there are more verses about pain in the Psalms than there are about exultation and praise. Contrast that with worship services today, which are shrouded in empty happiness. Hurting people who smile sweetly during praise time are weeping in their hearts. Not so with the psalmists. They were unafraid to tell God all about their grief and despair. Remember, worship expresses our relationship with God, and the psalmists knew that their sorrows and fears were every bit as much a part of their relationship with God as their joy (pp.106-107).
More Thoughts From Worship Class
In his book, Worship: The Way It Was Meant To Be, Robert Wetmore writes that “the Law of Moses entirely ignores teaching the Israelites what they were supposed to do with music in their abad, their service of worship to the Lord” (p.65). The principle Wetmore teaches is that God never told Moses what role music was supposed to play. A right relationship with God is required of all who wish to worship Him. The concept of shahah, or bowing down to show proper relationship to God, is the first Biblical idea of worship. Worship is literally “bowing” before God to show Him that we understand who He is and why we should worship Him. Once we have “bowed” before God, we are then able to serve (abad) Him. God commanded His people to remember all of the things that He had done for them. A large part of their worship centered on recognizing and memorializing the good things that He had done for them. As Christians we are called to do the same thing every time we gather for the Lord’s Supper. We aren’t able to worship God without the sacrifices He has made on our behalf and part of worship should be to actively remember them. The Jewish feasts were all given by God so that His grace and mercy would be remembered by future generations. Their worship of Him focused on all that He had done for them. Our worship should do the same thing. We should never gather without first bowing before God and recognizing who He is. The second thing we should do is remember what He did for us on the cross.
Weekly Reflections For My Worship Class
I guess I should preface this by explaining what it is. I am taking a class this semester entitled: What Is Worship? In this class I have to write a weekly reflection “paper” on what I learned over the past week. The paper is supposed to address three areas: God, worship and myself. The following is the fourth such paper I’ve written. I may go back and post the other three so that you can witness the progression…if there is any.
I’m not so sure I learned anything new about God this week but I have been reminded of things that I always knew about Him. He never ceases to amaze me in the ways that He provides for me. It’s not just in the material things that I see His provision. I am starting to recognize His deliberate actions in my life and it blows me away. In my times of emotional distress He is right there giving me what He knows I need. I have been struggling with some issues lately and He continues to direct me to appropriate Bible verse or put people in my life who speak to the very issues that I fight against. I must not forget that God will always know where I am and what I need to get through. In His gracious and immeasurable love, He will always meet those needs.
I watched two of the worship sessions at this weekend’s Oasis (a high school youth rally) and I left feeling somewhat conflicted. On the one hand, it was great seeing a room filled with teenagers singing songs about God. On the other hand, I often felt as if the session was more of a concert than a time of worship. The songs were appropriate but I got the impression that it was more about having fun than anything else. I’m conflicted because I have done the same sort of thing when I was supposed to be leading people in worship. Do the silly hand gestures really belong? I don’t mean to be overly critical, but I was somewhat disappointed when several minutes were spent teaching the crowd how to do the “water sprinkler” dance to one of the songs. Is it wrong to be silly and cut up while singing songs about God? Is it true worship? If anything, this past weekend left me with more questions than answers.
This past weekend taught me that I have a lot to learn. I am still fighting the urge to put myself before others. When picking out the songs for our new children’s worship time I was more concerned about whether or not I could play them easily or if I could make them fun. I found myself doing the same thing that bothered me so much about Oasis. I wasn’t making the time about worship. I was trying to make it cool and fun so the kids would go back and tell their parents how much fun children’s worship time was. I have a bigger problem with idolatry than I ever imagined. I am making my perceived job performance the motivation behind what I’m doing. That’s about as pagan as sacrificing a virgin to a volcano.
Go On Up To The Mountain…
Mount Moriah was the place where Abraham took Isaac to offer him up as a sacrifice.
Mount Moriah was the place where Solomon built his temple to God. Mount Moriah was the place where Herod erected the temple that stood in Jesus’ day. Mount Moriah was the place where Jesus was crucified on Calvary.
Abraham called that place “God provides.”
Think of all the sacrifices offered up at that place. Think of the sacrifice halted by God on that mountain and then compare that to the final sacrifice that God allowed to happen there. “God provides.”
Moriah was the Mount of God and He revealed Himself both to Abraham and to us by His actions there.
Worship cannot happen without the shedding of blood. We have convinced ourselves that worship is about singing and praying and lifestyle…but in reality it is a bloody, gruesome process that takes away our sins. There is no worship without blood. It has been that way from the beginning and it remains so to this day.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flowed
For you and for me and for all
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
We’re atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night
On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior’s side
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
We’re atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Guess Who’s Back?
Well…I haven’t jumped on the blogging train quite like I wanted to. Part of that is because I am currently taking 17 hours while trying to be a husband, father and youth minister all at the same time.
The other reason is because I spend most of my time online at another site. I have a feeling that is about to change though. I have been posting there for over three years and my blog/journal there is one of the largest threads on the site. I have a lot of time and energy invested there and it’s hard to up and sever ties overnight.
I’m sick of the place though. It claims to be a Christian community but the fighting and bickering that goes on in its Theology Forum is embarrassing to the body of Christ. The bad thing is that it is starting to spill over into other areas and there really isn’t a way to stop it. I spent the better part of this afternoon watching a thread go from a Hindu girl asking honest questions about Christ, to an all-out war against Roman Catholics and anti-Catholics. Neither side put the welfare of that seeker first. Both sides just had to prove their point and forward their personal agendas. In my attempts to stop some of it I was accused of having a love-fest with a bunch of pagans. I just don’t think I want to be a part of a place that allows such things to go on in the name of Christ.
So…I will be trying to figure out how to translate my very “loose” style of posting to this very structured format. I hope that some of my compadres from that other site follow me over here so we can continue the fellowship that we’ve enjoyed for the past three years.
